I'll Still Be Here - Phan and KickTheStickz

Title: I'll Still Be Here

Author: kayleystea

Rating: PG-13 for some of Dan and PJ's language x)

Pairing(s): KickTheFire (or whatever Dan and PJ's ship name is) (friendship), Phan (AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire), and KickTheStickz (KickThePj and Crabstickz)

Disclaimer: This is rubbish, seeing as I obviously don't own Dan, PJ, Phil or Chris. But yeah, nothing of this ever happened and stuffs x)

***

Dan walked through the streets of London to get to the Starbucks to meet PJ. PJ and Dan had been going out for these kind of things for the past few weeks, since Dan and Phil had moved to London. Whenever Dan needed to talk to someone about something, he talked to Peej. Since Dan and PJ were living near each other, they saw each other a lot more, which was great. PJ was easy to talk to, like a brother.

Dan wasn't sure how this unusual friendship between himself and Peej had started, but he knew that it was really nice to have a friend who he could pretty much talk about anything to. Other than Phil of course.

He finally made it to the Starbucks where him and PJ usually met up and rushed in, he was a tiny bit late. As soon as Dan had walked into the cozy atmosphere, he immediatly looked for PJ. Dan found him, and he grinned. PJ was sitting there in his green Zelda t-shirt and black skinny jeans, tapping his fingers against the table. Dan slid into the seat and smiled at PJ. "Hey, Peej." Dan greeted him.

"Hey Dan. I got you the caramel frappichino, I hope that's alright. I know that you normally like the macchiatto, but it is rather hot outside." PJ smiled back, but his smile was slightly sad.

"PJ?" Dan asked. "What's wrong?"

PJ looked up into Dan's open, brown eyes. It was hard for PJ to open up to people, he always liked some slight mystery surrounding him. But PJ knew that it wasn't going to work here. Not in this particular Starbucks. Not with Dan.

"Chris..." PJ started. PJ took a deep breath then continued. "Chris told me he... he loved me. Out of the blue. I-I don't even know where it came from. I mean, we did a whole video where we kind of mocked it. I-I didn't think it was actually true... I-I think I ruined our friendship this time, Dan. Seriously. He won't forgive me for this one."

Dan looked at PJ, perplexed. PJ was tactful, always thinking about what he says before he says it. PJ was always in control of whatever situation he was in, always able to be calm in chaos. Dan doubted that PJ did anything that bad.

"What did you do when he said it?" And one thing Dan couldn't get his head around... Chris told PJ that he loved him. Well, it was sort of obvious. After awhile, it became a game of wondering whether Chris would actually say it or PJ would figure it out.

"I-I ran. Straight here. I've been here for two hours." PJ sighed.

Dan shook his head. "PJ, why didn't you text me or call me? I would have come earlier."

"I just needed some time to gather my thoughts." PJ said, glancing out the window.

"Well Peej first off, I'm absolutely positive that you did not ruin your friendship with Chris. Second off, how do you actually feel about Chris? I mean, not to sound like a damned theripist or anything, but hell, I am your friend. Do you like him?" Dan asked.

PJ looked back at Dan, "I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to feel anymore."

Dan and PJ were silent, but it wasn't awkward. That was the great thing about PJ. They were able to have thoughtful silences without having to fill it with conversation. Dan thought about his current prediciment, that he was planning to talk to PJ about before this whole thing with Chris started. The fact that Dan was in love with his best friend.

Dan loved Phil, and it had come up out of the blue, just like Chris's confession. Dan loved the way that when Phil would laugh, he'd poke his tounge out slightly and the fact that Phil had still somehow been able to retain some of the childhood innocence that usually goes away in the teenage years. The fact that Phil was obsessed with lions. He loved how Phil would be interested in the big things, but fascinated by little things. Phil's perspective on life gave Dan a new perspective on life.

Dan had planned to spill this all to Peej, but Dan knew that now was not the time. Today was about PJ, and Dan understood that. But who was he going to talk about Phil to if not PJ? If he knew Chris better, he would talk to Chris about it. And there was no way in hell that Dan was going to talk to Phil about it.

"PJ, honestly, I think that you need to think about it. Would you like to stay over at my flat tonight? I'm sure Phil wouldn't mind, you can sleep in my room. We can play Zelda if you'd like." Dan finished, looking over at PJ. PJ smiled and nodded.

PJ and Dan walked down the street, talking about random things, none of them pertaining to either Chris or Phil. It was mainly videogames, YouTube, Summer in the City and other small stuff. The conversation flowed naturally, sometimes with Dan ranting about something and occasionally PJ making a point about something.

Finally, the two made it to Dan's flat. The trudged into the elevator and talked about nothing as the box made it's way up to one of the uppermost floors.

"Well, here we are." Dan smiled at PJ, gesturing for him to enter. PJ walked in, with Dan close behind where they were greeted with an uncomfortable scene.

Chris was sitting on the couch with Phil and they were talking. "...And I just don't know what to do, Phil! I do love him, but I will only be his friend if he wants cos I can't loose PJ! I don't know what I'd do. Probably jump off a cliff."  Chris sighed.

PJ was standing there, his eyes wide in shock. It was hard for him to see Chris at the moment, especially with these unidentified emotions bouncing around inside him. But Chris would kill himself? PJ couldn't even imagine a life without Chris in it.

"...Guys?" Dan said, breaking the silence. Chris looked up, his eyes wide as they stared into PJ's. Oh God! Chris thought. Please don't let him have heard that!

The tension suddenly filled the room and everyone awkwardly tried not to meet anyone's eyes. Finally, Dan found Phil and silently mouthed, Do something!

Phil nodded, jumped up and said, "Well, does anyone want anyone some food? We have thousands of Malteasers that our lovely fans gave us, anyone want any?"

Chris then jumped up and shoved past Dan and PJ, gave PJ one last glace, and then he ran out the door. Dan and PJ just kind of stood awkwardly there until Phil said, "I didn't expect you home so soon, Dan. You're usually out a bit later. And uhm.. I had no idea that you were uh... going out with PJ." Phil said quietly, his eyes at his shoes.

"Well it's not a uh.. romantic thing if that's what you're thinking. Seriously. And would you mind if Peej stayed over tonight? I see you've already heard about the whole love thingy and stuff so yeah would that be okay with you?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, I don't mind. Have fun." Phil said without energy which was definetly not like him so Dan made a mental note to question Phil about it later.

"C'mon, PJ let's go to my room." Dan grabbed PJ out an pulled him away from the awkward enviernment. God, that was almost painful. Did Phil actually think that him and PJ were in a romantic relationship? Seriously? I mean, Phil knew that he was bi, but this was PJ.

PJ entered Dan's room and flopped down on the bed.

"What the hell am I supposed to do, Dan? Ignore him? Put him out of my life? Pretend to have feelings for him? Or do I have feelings for him? I have no fucking idea and it's killing me inside that I could loose one of my best friends." PJ's voice was calm but it was possible to distinguish the pain in his voice as well.

Dan sighed and flopped onto the best beside PJ. "I don't know, Peej. I just don't know."

"Well, what would you do if it was Phil?" PJ asked.

Dan thought about it for a moment. Well, Dan was in love with Phil, so to hear Phil say that he loved him back would be the happiest freaking day of Dan's life. But Dan knew what PJ was talking about so he tried to be helpful.

"I would erm... probably sort out my feelings. Try and imagine myself with him, and then a life without him. Seeing which one hurts more. But I know that I would certainly be his boyfriend if that's what he wanted." Dan was blushing and he hoped that his tan skin would cover it but PJ was very observant.

"Dan... What's going on between you and Phil?" PJ asked.

Dan looked up sharply. "Nothing. Nothing at all." Unfortunetly... Dan thought.

PJ looked at him. "But you want there to be something going on." PJ deducted.

How the hell...? Dan thought. "I-I was going to talk to you about it but I got sidetracked. I kind of, may or may not, like Phil. Or maybe I uh.. love him or something. Ya know... Uh.. yeah." Dan finished awkwardly.

PJ shool his head and smiled. "Damn, Daniel you are sometimes so dense it's not even funny. Phil bloody loves you, you idiot."

Dan was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Why do you think Phil was glaring daggers at me when we came in today? Why do you think he had to ask if we were in a relationship? Why do you think Phil tackles you and hugs you a lot? Why does Phil want to have many Buffy marathons with you? Why was Phil jealous when he saw me?" PJ asked.

Dan stared uncomprehendingly at PJ.

PJ sighed and picked up Dan's bear and smacked him with it. "Stop being an idiot, Daniel!"

Dan sighed. "Well, what are you going to do about Chris? Would you like me to list the reasons why you love him and everyone's just waiting for you to admit it to yourself?"

PJ looked at Dan for a second. "Alright, go on."

Dan took a deep breath and it rushed out: "You hold open the door for him when you guys are walking out the door. You're always giving him these tiny smiles and looking into his eyes for maybe a second too long. The amount of time you guys spend together is staggering. Whenever you're around each other you both seem to just... sort of gravitate toward each other. Have you evr noticed how you're the only one to make Chris laugh? And you never notice it, but you go out of your way to make Chris laugh." Dan finished, breathing out sharply.

PJ looked at Dan for a second. "But Dan, I'm not gay. I never have been."

Dan smiled. "You don't have to be gay to love someone, PJ. You're not supposed to put a label on love. That's the whole point of love, the understanding and the non-judgement of it. Trust me, Peej. Go after him. I have a feeling you won't regret it."

PJ jumped up off the bed, pulling Dan up as he went. "If I'm going to tell Chris, then you have to tell Phil. C'mon. Walk me to the door and tell Phil. No mucking about." PJ said, a sudden fire in his eyes.

Dan nodded his agreement and PJ followed Dan and they walked out the door. They passed by where Phil was sitting watching Buffy.

"Going so soon, PJ, I thought you were set for the night." Phil said, tearing his eyes from the TV for a moment to look at PJ and Dan.

"Yeah, I would, but I have some unfinished business to take care of." PJ responded and walked out the door, leaving Dan and Phil alone.

"Want to watch some Buffy?" Phil asked. Dan took a deep breath and prepared himself for rejection.

"Phil, I have to uh.. talk to you." Well, this it going to be extremely awkward and awful. Dan thought.

"Sure Dan, what's up?" Phil asked, pausing the television.

"Phil I uh..." Just get it out, Daniel. Stop being such a girl. "I like you." Well, if that didn't confirm Dan's kindergarden status, he didn't know what would. "Actually, scratch that, I love you."

Dan braced himself, closing in around himself and closing his eyes, bracing for rejection. He didn't notice Phil slowly get up and wrap his arms around Dan's body.

"Dan... look at me." Phil whispered. Dan looked up, immediatly dazzled by Phil's light blue eyes. Damn, when did he turn into freaking Bella Swan? Dan sighed in disgust with himself but he had to admit ot himself that he couldn't look away for the world.

"I love you too. This may sound incredibly cheesy, but I've loved you since that first Skype conversation we had. I just didn't know... how to tell you. I suppose I should thank PJ for this, shouldn't I?" Phil smiled down at the younger man.

"Shut up." Dan murmered and did something completely unexpected and spur-of-the-moment. Dan slowly and gently pressed his lips against Phil's. It was electrifying and beautiful and more than Dan could have ever expected. Phil immediatly responded, pressing back with enthusiasm and happiness. Dan's thought's were clouded with Phil's skin, Phil's smell, Phil's clothes, Phil's hair. As they both pulled away for air, Phil asked, "So, do you want to watch Buffy?" Dan nodded yes, seemingly unable to use his vocal chords.

Phil moved to sit on the sofa and Dan followed him. They sat in their usual places, with Phil's arm around Dan and Dan's head on Phil's chest.

As Phil re-started the episode he was on, Dan idly wondered how PJ was doing.

***

PJ made his way inside Chris's flat, using the key that Chris had given him months ago.

"Chris?" PJ called, searching for his best friend. PJ flew up the stairs toward Chris's bedroom. "Chris?" PJ called again, walking into Chris's bedroom and seeing Chris on the bed with his face in his pillow.

"G-Go away, PJ. Go back to Dan. It's okay, I-I just need some time." Came the muffled voice of Chris. PJ was confused.  Did Chris think that he and Dan were together? Oh God, that was terrible.

"..Chris? I'm not going out with Dan." PJ said as soothingly as possible.

"Y-You're not?" Chris asked, lifting his face from the bed that was muffling him.

"No." And PJ decided that this was the opportune time to tell Chris. PJ got onto the bed where Chris was laying and hugged him. "I couldn't be with Dan. How could I be, when I'm in love with you?"

PJ watched Chris's eye's widen. Then Chris jumped up and shoved PJ off of him.

"PJ WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?! WHY NOW? DID DAN PUT YOU UP TO IT? 'OH YEAH, LET'S FUCK WITH CHRIS'S FEELINGS JUST FOR KICKS' IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY." Chris yelled at PJ. PJ sared at Chris with regret. This is my fault... PJ thought painfully.

"Chris..." PJ said, but he knew that his words would not be heard, not in the state that Chris was in now. So the only way to tell Chris was through his actions.

PJ nearly sprinted across the short space and grabbed Chris's shoulders.

"You bloody idiot, I love you!" PJ yelled in frustration and pushed his lips against Chris's. PJ thought Chris would push him away again, but he was thankfully wrong. Chris's hands went up to tangle into PJ's hair and they both fell onto the bed. There was nothing gentle about this kiss, as PJ straddled Chris's thighs. It was full of anger and desire and a need to prove. PJ pulled away for air, but came right back with a kiss that was different - gentle , full of love and hope.

"Chris, please believe me, I love you. I know it took me awhile to admit it to myself, but I really do love you and I'm sorry for the mess I created. Please, please tell me I can make this alright." PJ pleaded.

Chris yawned, and PJ realised that it was ten o' clock at night. Early (by a night owl like PJ's standards), but this had been an emotionally hazardous day. That always wore people out.

"You can make it up to me tomorrow, by making me breakfast." Chris said sleepily.

PJ chuckled, placing one last kiss on Chris's forehead. "I will. I am fantastic at making breakfast, after all. Go to sleep, love. I'll still be here when you wake up."